When I read about Cornell, one of my thoughts was wondering what Ketamine does to you.

I read another article, still about Cornell but from the perspective of an EMS-turned-journalist, and I realized…

I have had Ketamine. I just don’t remember it. I have had it while intubated for surgeries.

Years ago, I vaguely remember being told the anesthesiologist was giving me a medic. I said my friend had that in a clinic for depression. It was a big deal for them. They had to jump through hoops of insurance denials and medical necessity and loads of drama.

I couldn’t put a name to the medication later.
The anesthesiologist told me it wouldn’t be like the clinic experience.
Then, he said he would count me down. I can’t even tell you what he looked like beyond thin, tall, dark hair. I’m not sure what his skin color was like. I just remember the lab coat in garish fluorescent lighting.

I don’t remember any numbers. I only vaguely remember waking up and choking when they removed the tube and being told to breathe.

I only barely remember those times.

Later on…

A nurse told me that she would rather be intubated than have an IV port stuck in her arm for days and days.

I responded I didn’t know what being intubated was like.

My husband interjected reminding me I had been intubated.
Multiple times.
For a couple of different surgeries.

Ask me what my friend took? Ketamine in a clinic. It was really challenging to get that treatment for them.
But, in that memory of the anesthesiologist, I can’t recall what he said. I can’t recall what the consent form I signed said. It was for surgery and I had zero alcoholic beverages before. Unlike Cornell.

(I’m a teetotaler anyway.) I know I signed a consent. I just don’t know what it said. I remember responding that I’d heard of the drug before, and him telling me my experience would be nothing like that depression treatment.

For another surgery, they told me I’d wake up in recovery. I don’t remember waking up in recovery at all. I remember nothing till much later.

Say it with me: “The drug was designed to make her forget. Then they used her memory against her”: https://nicholasjorcutt.substack.com/p/the-drug-was-designed-to-make-her?r=sll7e&utm_medium=ios

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P. S. I really like this article about tea and consent.

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P. P. S. I deeply approve of the representation of consent in The Knight & The Moth.